


'Tis the Damn Season

by TortiTabby



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blow Jobs, Friends to Lovers, Hand Jobs, Holidays, M/M, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Not Myra Kaspbrak Friendly, Post-Canon, Post-Canon Fix-It, Post-IT Chapter Two (2019), idiots to lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:48:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28331160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TortiTabby/pseuds/TortiTabby
Summary: "Eddie didn’t really talk to him about it. He skirted around any topic about Richie coming out, or Richie being gay. He dodged any indication that any conversation they were having went down any semi serious road ever since Richie professed his love, crying at the side of Eddie’s hospital bed. Eddie had woken up with his hand being held tight and Richie’s love pouring over him. Eddie felt safe and loved wholly for the first time in his life, then he went home to his wife and pretended none of it had ever happened like a coward."
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 9
Kudos: 117





	'Tis the Damn Season

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much to Moody for juggling this while being busy with irl shit & holidays! <3  
> I appreciate you!!! <3

Eddie stretched his arms out wide as soon as his boots crunched into the packed white snow. 

He looked over at the six cozy little cabins in front of him, neat enough to be uniform but scattered enough to create privacy between them.

“I don’t think we really needed to rent all six, do you guys?” Mike asked next to him exasperatedly.

“Mikey, we are all stupid rich and each cabin is literally one giant room with one small bathroom walled off.” Richie laughed. 

“Mike, I already tried to tell you, just let it happen.” Stan shrugged and helped Patty with her suitcase. He planted a swift kiss to the end of her nose before looking back at Mike pointedly. 

“Listen we can afford to do it, plus us taking all of the cabins gives us all privacy that we wouldn’t necessarily get somewhere else.” Bev said.   
Stan shot a ‘told you’ look over at Mike and then at Eddie, who hadn’t said anything and didn’t really  _ need _ to be told so, but that was Stan for you.

Beverly had a point. She had just gotten out of a messy divorce and all the scummy gossip magazines were dying to catch a glimpse of any man in her proximity to obsess and speculate over. 

Bill was a target mostly due to Audra. The hollywood actress was constantly tailed by paparazzi, who seemed to try their hardest to find someone other than boring author Bill Denbrough to pair her up with. Audra thought it was hilarious, but despite the jokes whenever Eddie did see her she was glued to Bill’s side and staring at him with the same admiration and wonder they all had as kids. 

Richie had been mostly out of the tabloids until they found him getting groceries with Audra for a Losers get together the past summer. 

The magazines only stopped pressing the matter once Richie came out and lost half of his fan base while simultaneously gaining respect and more and more followers from the LGBTQ+ community. He worked hard at sincerity, and that kind of comedy worked because it’s raw and real. Yeah, it’s funny but it’s almost painful when it’s the truth. 

He had dealt with the fallout of exes coming forward with raunchy exaggerated stories of him. He had explained to the Losers that most of his "dates" were one night stands in dim lighting. "My dirty secret was being gay, theirs was hooking up with the gross hairy comedian that told bad heterosexual jokes." It seemed that Richie hadn’t had any actual caring relationships, just secret hookups and flings.

Eddie didn’t really talk to him about it. He skirted around any topic about Richie coming out, or Richie being gay. He dodged any indication that any conversation they were having went down any semi serious road ever since Richie professed his love, crying at the side of Eddie’s hospital bed. Eddie had woken up with his hand being held tight and Richie’s love pouring over him. Eddie felt safe and loved wholly for the first time in his life, then he went home to his wife and pretended none of it had ever happened like a coward. 

A loosely packed snowball collided with the side of Eddie’s head and dripped down the neckline of his shirt. 

“Fuck! Richie!” He shrieked and spun around to flip his assailant off. 

“Just bringing you back to Earth there, Spaghetti Man. Looked like you left the atmosphere for a minute there.” Richie beamed over at him. His fluffy hat sat sideways on his head and one of the arms of his unzipped coat had slipped down his shoulder. He looked like a giant child. Eddie was overwhelmed with the familiar concoction of fondness and irritation, with just a splash of the ever present guilt since Derry.

It had at least gotten to the point where whenever Eddie looked at him, he didn’t just see the broken man with bags under his tear swollen eyes full of worry, who had sat at his side in the hospital with a death grip on his hand and a confession on his lips.

“Zip your coat up.” Patty laughed and shook her head warmly. 

They each claimed a cabin. Eddie watched with amusement as Stan and Patty claimed the big one in the middle and Bill and Audra bickered over which cabin they wanted before Bev swooped in and took the one Bill had wanted. Cackling, and leading an apologetic looking Ben inside. 

“I’ll get this one at the end.” Eddie nodded towards the last cabin in the line with a straight shot of a view of a frozen pond. 

“Oh that looks nice. I’ll, uh, I’m going to do the same thing.” Richie declared. 

Eddie was confused and felt a rush of nerves and excitement until disappointment doused over him as Richie trudged his luggage up the path to dump at the first cabin, as far away from Eddie as possible. 

Eddie could feel Mike’s eyes on his back as Richie marched back down the path to help put the food and supplies away in Stan and Patty's. “Oh, nice.” Eddie said and cringed when it came out totally transparent. 

Richie’s face flushed and his eyes flitted away. “Yep.” He said before rushing after Bill and Audra. “Big Bill, are you going to try to build us a fire and impress your insanely out of your league wife tonight?” He motioned to the big fire pit in front of the cabins. 

“I bet you ten dollars you can’t build a fire before I can, Trashmouth.” Bill laughed.

“I’ll take you up on that.” Audra laughed and hip checked him. 

Bev cackled in the background and Bill resolutely ignored both of them. 

Eddie quickly made his way into his cabin while they were all distracted and closed the door. He pressed his back to it and tried to follow the breathing techniques he had taught himself from google. 

It would be okay. Richie probably didn’t hate him. Eddie hated himself a bit, but Richie would have to understand once Eddie got everything straightened out. 

“Fuck my life.” Eddie groaned and startled once someone banged on the other side of the door. 

“What was  _ that _ all about?” Stan asked and pushed his way gently past Eddie to sit on the back of Eddie’s couch like some kind of animal. 

“You know the entire front of that are places for you to actually sit, right?” Eddie snapped.

Stan just crossed his arms and stared back at him hard. Picking fights with Stan went nowhere and only cemented the fact that he  _ should _ be bickering with Richie.

“What was that?” He repeated, no nonsense.

“It wasn’t anything. That’s why it was something. Or- it was nothing but only because it was every- listen, Stan, I’ve got it under control. Don’t worry about it.” Eddie said and tried to drag another breath into his contracting lungs.

“Breathe in through your nose.” Stan wafted air up towards his face encouragingly. 

Eddie calmed himself down and slowly inhaled, held it while holding eye contact with Stan, and let it out in a woosh. 

“I have to figure things out, Stan. Thanks for trying to help me but it’s just a matter of just… sorting everything out.” He thought of his job, who were less than thrilled by his absence even with a hospital excuse, and of the sister office only a half an hour from Richie’s house across the country. He thought about Myra and her refusal to cooperate, prolonging the entire divorce, and he thought about Richie. Richie, who deserved Eddie at his best, with none of the baggage weighing them down after years of life giving them both the shit end of the stick. Eddie had to clean it all up and do this the right way, and he had to do it on his own. He sighed and blinked over at Stan. 

“I’ve got this, I don’t need any help.”

Stan arched a disbelieving eyebrow back at him. “I’m here if you decide you do need help. I have to ask, are you guys okay?”

Eddie smiled weakly over at him. “We’re fine. We don’t really talk much.” He replied honestly, omitting the reason why. “I’ll remember that, though.” 

"You two need to stop baiting each other and actually  _ talk _ .” Stan shook his head, but didn’t press further. “We’re all meeting up in mine and Pat’s cabin. We got the big kitchen and space for all of us. You coming?” 

Eddie got a hold of himself and followed behind Stan towards the loud whooping voices coming from the Uris Cabin. Patty was sitting outside on the wooden swing on the porch laughing softly at Eddie quirking an eyebrow at her. 

“We are determining what to do with the rest of the day.” She laughed softly. 

Once the group unanimously decided on horse drawn sleigh rides that were being held at the small town a few miles away and talked over one another until everyone was ready, nearly forty minutes after they originally agreed on, the nine of them were split in three cars and were on their way.

Eddie was crammed in the back with Richie and Ben. Richie was in the middle and sighed exasperatedly before stretching out. His elbow rested on Eddie’s lap and Eddie looked at it for a beat before shoving his elbow over onto Richie’s knee.

Richie blinked down at Eddie’s arm before squirming and shoving his arm on top of Eddies. 

“Ow, watch it!”

“Oh, I’m watching it.” Richie said and grinned. He threw his arm in front of his face and when Eddie pushed him off Richie leaned back onto Ben to throw his legs onto Eddie’s lap.

“Richie!” Eddie screamed, and felt like they were kids again.

Richie cackled. Eddie let himself let out a laugh but couldn’t help wondering if the only way they would be able to be around each other was if they acted like they were in their preteens and ignored any reality. It was easy to fall back into the age old roles they carved out for themselves. 

Richie smiled over at him and held eye contact as Ben jostled his head off of him gently.

Richie’s eyes just crinkled in amusement. 

Eddie felt a swooping low in his gut. He would move out of the guest room of his and Myra’s place and he would take all of his things with him. He’d tell her no matter what that it  _ was _ final and she could fight as much as she wanted. She could have everything but him. Then, if Richie still wanted him,  _ he _ could have him. Fully and completely. 

He smiled back over at Richie and felt a crushing win of validation when he saw the tension leave Richie’s shoulders. They’d be okay. 

They piled out of the cars and got in line for the carriages. 

Eddie eyed the massive horses suspiciously. 

“Don’t worry, Eds, I’ll keep you safe.” Richie declared loudly and threw an arm over Eddie’s shoulders. 

Eddie scoffed but didn’t push him off. 

“Benny, will you hate me if I steal Bev and Pats away for a girls sleigh ride?” Audra asked as Bev and Patty bounced on their feet with their arms linked behind her. 

“No.” Ben laughed.

“I call Ben then!” Mike yelled. 

Stan rolled his eyes. “I am not being stuck with either of _the_ _two_. I get Bill. Then maybe once with my wife?” Patty cackled and kissed him loudly on the cheek, 

“I want one with Ben before we go anyway.” Bev agreed and smiled over at him, eyes sparkling. 

“Looks like you’re stuck with me, Spaghetti man.” Richie said.

“Shut up Trashmouth, let’s go.” Eddie said warmly. 

The carriage ride itself was breathtaking. They paraded all around the cobblestone streets, lit with strands of lights bordering every building and spiraled up every post. 

Richie made up a voice for each carriage's horses. 

Eddie held it together for most of the voices until he got to Bill’s, who was apparently a very disappointed fan who had opinions on all of his book endings.

“Shut up, he’s going to hear you and then we’ll have whiny Bill the entire time.” Eddie laughed and jabbed him with his elbow.

Richie laughed at that but stopped, save for the occasional passive aggressive comment that a horse apparently needed to express. 

They fell into an easy comfortable silence that felt familiar. Light snow started falling gently from the gray sky. Eddie breathed in deep and revelled in the freezing feeling filing his lungs. 

He couldn’t remember the last time he had felt so alive and free. Like he was breaking out of a mold other people had placed him in and could finally stretch his legs out free, as himself. 

Richie started humming quietly to himself and Eddie’s face warmed when he recognized the tune. 

‘Lovely weather for a sleigh ride together with you.’ Eddie sang along in his head. 

His nose stung from the cold and no matter how they felt about Bill’s books, the horses had a rather bad smell to them, and yet Eddie’s face hurt from smiling. 

Richie continued to keep Eddie laughing the entire time, puffs of his breath vaporizing in front of them.

“Come on, don’t you want to go down some bunny slopes with us?” Patty batted her eyes at Eddie in a way he knew would convince nearly all of his friends. He laughed.

“Pats, I really don’t have any desire to go skiing today.” He said. “I’ll go one of these days but I kind of want to just go relax at the cabins.”

“I’m in!” Richie clapped Eddie on the shoulder, appearing seemingly out of nowhere.

“It’s fucking cold and we have plenty of time all weekend.” He defended before Patty could get a word in. “Plus, the cold kind of hurts my chest.” He rubbed idly at the gnarled scar that he was lucky to escape with. He didn’t miss Richie’s pale look of concern. 

“If you two go back to the cabins on your own can you promise that they will still be standing when we get back tonight?” Stan asked dryly. 

“Stan, my man,” Richie started and threw an arm around Staney’s shoulders. 

“When have you ever known me or Eddie to be destructive?”

“Your rich ass is going to pay for any damages.” Stan relented before playfully shoving Richie off of him.

They said their goodbyes and made vague plans for dinner and a movie by the fire in the Uris Cabin later that night, and Mike chauffeured them back to the cabins and left back for the resort, this time with his expensive camera in hand. 

Richie looked over at Eddie once they were totally alone. He smiled the way that scrunched his eyes up. Eddie looked at all the laugh lines and wrinkles from a lifetime of laughing and simultaneously ached for the laughs he missed as well as felt a wave of gratitude that there had been reasons for Richie to smile so much. 

Eddie had deep frown lines as well as wrinkles on his forehead from his heavy eyebrows being furrowed. It was something he was working on. 

Richie placed a hand flat on Eddie’s chest and Eddie looked at him, startled and buzzing with anticipation of what would follow.

Richie pushed him backwards flat into a deep snowbank. 

“Richie!” Eddie flailed around in the snow and the second he was back on his feet he was launching himself at Richie, knocking him into the snow. He straddled his lap and peered down at him.

Richie blinked up at him. His eyes a striking blue against the white surrounding them, breath coming out in stuttered puffs. He looked wary as his eyes searched Eddie’s. His cheeks were a rosy red.

Eddie grabbed a fistful of snow and shoved it down Richie’s shirt.

“Ah! You little bastard!” Richie howled with laughter and threw Eddie off of him. 

They laid side by side in the snow until Eddie sat up and stared out at their view. 

There was nothing around them besides fields of white snow scattered with evergreen trees. 

The snow had started falling heavier in big clumps of snowflakes, blanketing all around them and silencing everything.

Eddie turned from the view to look down at Richie who was gawking openly at Eddie.

His cheeks flushed again and he sat up to follow Eddie’s gaze.

“Peaceful.” he said quietly.

Eddie hummed in agreement.

He could see Richie start to shiver in the too thin coat everyone berated him for wearing in the first place.

“Cold?” Eddie laughed softly.

“Not in a million years. I think we need to build a Losers mascot for the cabins. Dr. Kaspbrak may I ask for your assistance?” 

“Why would making a snowman make us doctors?” But Eddie pulled Richie to his feet and started working on the body of the snowman while Richie gathered rocks and twigs ‘for flair.’ They ended up making the most horrific looking snowman, with uneven rocks for teeth and frozen weeds jammed into the top for hair. Eddie promptly kicked it’s uneven shaped head clean off when Richie proudly determined it was Eddie’s.

“My masterpiece!! He was so young! No!!” He wailed dramatically and threw a fist full of snow down Eddie’s front. 

Eddie squealed and shoved him into the closest snow bank. 

He tackled him down and they grappled like they were children. Always touching, always in some facade of bickering that neither of them seemed too dedicated to keep up. 

“Oh fuck!” Richie tripped over a tree root that was bursting from the ground, hidden by a fresh blanket of snow. He went careening forward and fell face first into the small stream that was trickling from the currently frozen lake. 

“Rich!” 

Eddie hurried over and pulled him up. 

Richie was trembling violently and Eddie was reciting everything he knew about hypothermia under his breath in a panic until he realized he was laughing. 

“Let’s get you inside, you ditz. You’re going to freeze. That was a great faceplant though.”

“Thanks, it really felt like it was top form.”

“Ten out of ten,” Eddie agreed and walked them back over to Eddie’s cabin, his hand never leaving Richie’s back.

“Here, change into this sweater I brought, it runs kind of big on me so it should fit those broad, stupid shoulders well enough. I’ll start the fireplace so we can dry them in front of it.” He piled the sweater and every blanket in the room into Richie’s arms and busied himself with the fire, face already burning, desperately hoping Richie somehow hadn’t heard the shoulders comment.

He turned around to try to deflect but stopped, mouth dry as he stared at Richie who was staring hard at him, only donning a pair of tight black briefs and a fuzzy blanket gently draped over his shoulders. 

“Richie,” Eddie breathed out. He didn’t even have time to cringe at how breathless it came out, how much want laced Richie’s name as it dripped from his mouth, before Richie was on him. 

Richie kissed him bruisingly, his trembling hands running up and down Eddie’s arms, the only tell that Richie was just as nervous as Eddie was. 

The thought of that alone fueled Eddie with the confidence he needed to act on feelings he had been trying to tame since Derry. He walked Richie backwards to the couch, until the back of Richie’s legs hit the cushions and he fell hard. He blinked up at Eddie with dazed eyes as Eddie threw a leg over and straddled Richie’s lap. He sat back and his mind was wiped blank of any thought besides the thin cotton briefs barely containing Richie’s dick under his lap. 

He ground down experimentally and Richie growled into his mouth. His big warm hands slid under Eddie’s shirt to grip his hips. He dipped his thumbs down under Eddie’s waistband and lightly traced figure eights into his skin. Eddie felt instantly grounded by it, and choked by the intimacy of it all. Thoughts of divorce certificates not yet signed off on and moving trucks still to be rented plagued Eddie’s mind.

He grabbed Richie’s hands and moved them to his ass before attacking his neck with his tongue, licking and sucking at every inch he could reach. 

He shouldn’t do this at all. He should wait until everything was squared away, but he needed Richie like he needed air.

It was like every wet dream or teenage fantasy he’d ever thought of had been hidden in the fog of his clown-related amnesia and had all flooded back to him when he saw Richie standing in his underwear. 

Alarms went off in his head like flashing lights like his brain was on an intercom blaring on a loop, ‘This is what I should have felt like. This is what I want, what it really feels like  _ to _ want.’

“Rich.” Eddie sat back and felt a rush of dizziness at the sight of Richie’s lidded eyes and swollen lips.

“Rich, I want to have sex with you.” His face flushed but he forced himself to keep staring into Richie’s blue eyes that were eclipsed almost all black by his pupils. 

Richie kissed him again. It was slow and languid the second time squeezed Eddie’s ass tight in his hands before hoisting him up, lips never leaving his. 

Eddie wrapped his legs around Richie’s waist and growled hungrily into his mouth, rabid with the reality Richie just picking him up and carrying him to the bed. 

Richie dropped Eddie flat onto the bed and made quick work of tugging his snow dusted pants off. He caught Eddie’s eye long enough for Eddie to give him one quick nod of encouragement before Eddie was completely naked. 

Richie  _ gawked _ . 

Eddie’s face burned crimson and just as he went to cover himself or make a joke or demand that they were at least the same amount of naked, Richie shimmied down Eddie’s front and sunk his head down, effectively swallowing all of him down in a crushing vice of warmth and bliss. 

Eddie clutched at his shoulders, hair, arms, anything he could reach.

Eddie felt electricity running through his veins, from his fingers to the end of his toes, buzzing alive in his chest and head and it all came from _Richie’s_ _mouth_. 

“Fuck, Richie, you’re really fucking good at that.” Eddie gasped. He could feel Richie’s mouth curve into a smile before he started humming lowly.

That was all it took to break Eddie. Eddie, who had never had a sexual interaction that wasn’t just something that was required in a marriage, a box to tick in the ‘this is what husbands do’ list he kept in the back of his mind. 

Eddie came. Hard, and right into Richie’s mouth who swallowed it down greedily like it was some kind of treat. 

“Fuck.” Eddie whimpered again.

Richie crawled up and dropped his chin on Eddie’s shoulder. He smiled dopely and pressed a soft kiss on his collar. 

Eddie smiled back at him and reached down to take Richie in his hand. 

Richie’s hand was already there and it was already moving. Eddie twisted his hand around the head and watched Richie’s reactions avidly. He scrunched his eyes closed and pressed his forehead into Eddie’s chest and let out a broken groan as he came all over both of their hands. 

“Oh my god.” Richie whispered. 

“You can say that again. Warm, now?” 

Richie laughed a little hysterically and grinned up at Eddie.

“Think we can do that about thirty more times this weekend?” 

“I think I can sure as fuck try for it.” Eddie agreed. He kept talking, all thoughts unhinged and unfiltered since he came his brain out. “Hey, we might have to just do this again next weekend.” He laughed.

Richie laughed, but it sounded hollow and all wrong.

“Maybe we can sneak to hotel rooms on future business trips. It seems I’m the other woman. How scandalous.” His joke fell flat as the smile dropped from Eddie’s face. 

This is what he had been avoiding. Meaningless sex and an ill fated start to the only thing Eddie ever fucking wanted in his life. “Oh. I-Rich…” He trailed off and sat up, back rigid against the headboard. 

He glanced outside at the snow continuing to fall and floundered for something, anything to say that would make this right. How could this go so wrong when the heart of it was what he ached for?

Richie didn’t take the silence well.

“So no post-coital snuggles or communication of any kind then?” Richie laughed harshly. 

Eddie watched as he moved sporadically off of the bed. Half of his hair stood straight up, Eddie realized with a sick twist of his gut it was from him. 

“Richie, come on it’s not like that.” Eddie whispered hoarsely. 

“What’s it like then, Eddie? Huh?” Richie locked in on him with wild eyes.

Eddie thought of the apartment he researched that was just twenty minutes away from Richie’s, and ten from a branch of his firm. He thought of divorce and how painstakingly long everything was taking to be official, to be right. He thought of Richie who never got a semblance of a caring committed person who loved him wholly, and how much Eddie had fucked it all up. He didn't know where to start. He didn't stick to his plan and it was all backwards.

“ _ Rich _ .”

“This is kind of fucked up, Eddie. If you wanted to get someone to suck you off I guess the guy who awkwardly said he loved you and then got ghosted pretty fucking consistantly since then  _ would _ be the way to go but you are sort of an asshole.” Richie’s voice grew louder and louder as he went on any semblance of calmness left him. He was lashing out. Eddie could see the raw hurt underneath. The hurt he knew better than to cause but he did it anyway. 

“Richie, that’s not how it was at all.” Eddie frowned. He felt blindsided by the change in the atmosphere. He wanted to beckon Richie to come back to bed. He wanted to go back to Richie against him solid and real, his head on his shoulder.   
“You keep saying that but you won't tell me what it  _ is _ like. Did I miss something? Maybe I need a play by play on how exactly we got here or something. Care to share?” Richie had stomped over by the fireplace in his tirade and was pulling his sopping wet clothes back on. 

“Wha- you kissed me!” Eddie squeaked defensively.

Richie’s face shut down. Eddie realized immediately he said the worst possible thing.

“Richie, wait.”   
“No.” Richie whispered harshly. He met Eddie’s eyes. His voice came out soft and regretful. “You’re right. I did. Sorry about that, Eddie.” 

Eddie had never been more distraught to not hear an annoying nickname than he was in the last five minutes. 

“I’m going to go.” Richie looked away from him and started for the door. Eddie felt the dejected, broken look on his face like a knife in between his ribs. Richie opened the door and Eddie could see the snow still coming down heavily, wind howling around it. 

“Richie, wait! It’s freezing outside and your clothes are still soaked. You should stay.” 

Richie barked a laugh and shook his head at the ceiling. 

“My cabin really isn’t that far away. I’ll take my chances.”

“Richie.” Eddie started to pull his clothes back on.

“Don’t. Look, I’m not mad, I just need a little bit of time to digest this. I’ll be whatever I can be for you. I just… I just kind of hate myself for it. No- Don’t follow me, Eddie if you can do anything for me right now then leave me alone, man. Just. Don’t.” 

He closed the door firmly behind him and it was somehow louder and worse than if he had slammed it. 

Eddie could feel the panic attack bubbling up in his throat and cutting off his air. He went to put his head in his hands and grimaced when he noticed Richie’s cum still covering his right hand. 

What a disaster. 

He threw himself into the shower and let the scalding water beat down on his back. He willed himself not to think about Richie walking down the path by himself soaking wet and freezing. 

‘I always have to be just particular enough to fuck everything up for myself.’ Eddie thought bitterly.

He buried his face in his arms and stayed in the water until it ran cold. 

He threw clean clothes on and avoided looking at his rumpled bed. 

A glance at his phone told him it was twenty minutes passed when they had all agreed to meet at Stan and Patty’s cabin for dinner and a movie. 

He wanted to flake and cancel but he refused to fuck up any more friendships today.

Just as he was headed out, his phone lit up. Hope flared in his chest until he saw it was Beverly.

“Hello?”

“Hey Eds, sorry to do this to you guys but the roads are closed.” 

Eddie closed his eyes and tried to steady his breathing again. He was exhausted from the ordeals of the day and trying to grapple his anxiety. 

“Did anyone tell Richie?” 

She made a soft confused noise. “What? Are you two not around each other anymore? Oh Patty said that she texted him and he sent back a thumbs up… is everything okay?” Curiosity and concern was weaved through her voice. Eddie mentally slapped himself. 

“He had to go grab something. I think he’s coming back. Are you guys safe?”

“We are perfectly fine. They have some rooms in the resort we’re sharing a few. It’s like a big sleepover, sorry you two are missing it.”

The wind howled and Eddie wrapped his coat around his shoulders tighter to keep the biting cold out.

“Okay, you guys have fun. Love you.” 

Bev went on about a promised big breakfast in the morning before she finally cut Eddie loose. 

He stood there numbly and stared longingly at Richie’s cabin at the end of the row. His heart clenched as he watched the light in the window. It felt lonely, and far away. It didn’t seem right to feel alone or far from Richie after so many years that they needed to make up for. He wanted to keep going forward, to go to Richie but he knew he wouldn’t be welcomed. 

Eddie tried to make himself comfortable once he was back in his own cabin. He put on the coziest pajamas he brought with him and stoked the fire. 

His stomach growled and the thought of all of the food they brought and unpacked in Stan and Patty’s kitchen. 

He glanced out at the accumulating snow and resigned himself for waiting until morning. 

The wind roared around the cabins, while the snow pelted the windows. The lights flickered once before clouding him in darkness save for the little light the fire provided. 

His heart pounded in his chest. He tried not to think about clowns or childhood bullies sneaking through bathroom windows. He was a grown man in the middle of nowhere. Everything would be fine, they were just in a bad storm. 

“Rich.” He murmured aloud and pulled his snow boots on. He shoved his arms into his coat and tugged a hat on his head as he hurried out the door. 

His eyes adjusted quickly to the dark. He couldn’t see well but thanks to all of the snow on the ground he could at least make out where he was headed. He tried not to think about any wild animals there could be. The fact that something could be watching him and he would have no idea made Eddie’s stomach twist in a peculiar haunted way. He didn’t enjoy feeling like prey.

He picked up his pace, legs slipping out from underneath him and hands numb from catching himself from countless near falls. 

He was almost there. He sped up and ran right into something. Something big. Something vaguely Richie shaped that bounced off of him and to the ground with a strangled yell.

“Richie? Rich, it’s me!” 

“Fucking christ, Eddie! The power is out, is your fire still going?”

“Yeah. Do you- do you want to stay in my cabin? Bev said Patty texted you.”

Richie was still hard to make out but Eddie could tell he was being stared at. 

“I-uh, yeah my cabin is freezing.” Richie breathed out. 

They walked back up to Eddie’s cabin in silence.

Eddie closed the door behind him and was elated to have essentially a do over the same night. It felt like he could fix it before it was too late. 

“So I’m just going to take the couch, okay man?” Richie asked, avoiding eye contact and holding out a plastic bag. “That’s for letting me wait the storm out here. I stopped by Stan's and grabbed some sandwiches and chips.” 

"Oh god I am so hungry." Eddie laughed awkwardly. 

Richie handed out the food and they ate in silence, staring into the flames while the storm raged on around them. 

"Richie…" 

Richie sat back, hardly visible in the fires light. 

"Eddie let's just go to bed, okay? It's fine."

"It's not-"

"Eddie. I'm going to sleep now." 

Eddie swallowed and closed in on himself. The damage was done. Richie was letting him at least be in his life apparently and that was better than Eddie had hoped. 

He crawled into bed and watched Richie try to get comfortable on the couch. 

The fire was dying and the couch was both too small and had too little blankets to be comfortable. 

"Richie, come to bed. Or switch me but we'll be warmer together. I swear to God, don't argue with me just get over here."

Richie rolled over and stared at him. He could see thinly veiled amusement in Richie’s pinched expression. 

"Eddie." 

"Come on, Rich, I'm not going to let you freeze. Come here."

Surprisingly, Richie stretched to his feet and staggered over, still wrapped up in the blanket. 

It was the same blanket from earlier and Eddie was beginning to think fuzzy black blankets were going to give him a complex. 

He plopped down next to Eddie and rolled to face him. 

Eddie leaned forward. He hesitated only long enough to search Richie’s eyes. When he didn’t find any disgust or objection he craned his head down and kissed him deeply. He tried to convey everything he didn't say with every swirl of their tongues, every gasp or lip bite. 

Richie rolled them to where he was on top of Eddie, pressing him down into the mattress. He kissed Eddie back with hunger. The situation was careening out of Eddie’s control and he didn’t have the heart to try to stop it. 

"Eds," Richie moaned. "Fuck."

Eddie growled at the want in Richie’s voice and gripped his back tighter. 

"Would you fuck me?"

Richie sat up straight and gaped down at him. 

"Eds, I'll do whatever the fuck you let me do. I'm so fucked, it's all-" he took a deep breath. "Are you sure?"

Eddie didn’t trust himself to speak and just nodded. "Let me up. My cosmetic bag has some lube."

" _ What?  _ Okay how do you explain that to- okay, okay. Yeah let's do this."

Eddie hopped up and ran into the bathroom. He dug through his bag and carefully avoided the judging glare from his reflection. This wasn't fair to anyone. If he kept digging this hole he wouldn't be able to find a way out. He let out a shaky breath. 

"Eds?" Richie called nervously. 

Eddie came back to the bed and shed his clothes. He squirted some of the lube onto his fingers and reached behind himself and looked anywhere except for Richie.

“Fucking, hell. Eddie you’re going to kill me.” 

Eddie worked diligently with purpose. He pet Richie through his pajamas and was delighted when he found he was already hard.    
“Eds.” Richie gasped. 

“I’m here, Rich. I want you.” Eddie said softly. 

Richie kicked his pants and underwear off in a way that would be hysterical given any other context. Right now, Eddie could only find it in himself to find the haste an undeniable turn on. 

He straddled Richie’s lap the same way he had earlier in the day and slowly lowered himself down onto him. 

The stretch burned. Eddie put his forehead to Richie’s and hissed out from between his teeth.

“Holy shit you’re unnecessarily big.” 

Richie huffed a laugh out and rolled his eyes. But Eddie could see the concern on his face. “Is it too much, Eds? We can switch- I can-”

“No, no no. I’m not complaining. No, this is fine. I have, uh, I have toys they’re just not this-  _ fuck- _ I just need a sec.” Eddie closed his eyes and tried not to focus on Richie twitching inside of him. He put his hands on Richie’s firm shoulders and solid chest. 

He looked down into his wondrous blue eyes and started to move. 

“Oh my- fuck you’re so good, Rich.” Eddie felt dizzy everytime Richie hit his prostate. 

Richie blinked up at him with his mouth parted. He grabbed onto Eddie’s hips tighter and moved in sync with him.

It was surprisingly quiet, almost somber in a way. It felt wrong to not have one or both of them laughing. 

“Eddie,” Richie whined. 

Eddie lifted himself up and dropped down. 

Both of them moaned and grappled for the other. 

“Perfect. This is fucking perfect.” Eddie gasped and did it again.

Richie tilted his head back and panted as Eddie rode him with ambition. Eddie leaned down to Richie’s bared throat and started sucking at his adam’s apple in the way he had always imagined, ever since it started being more and more pronounced when they were teenagers. 

“Holy shit.. Eds, I’m not going to last.” 

Eddie leaned back and started bouncing on Richie’s lap as hard as he could. The storm had quieted down and the only thing that Eddie could hear was the sound of their body’s clapping together and an occasional pop from the fireplace. Richie surged up and panted into Eddie’s mouth and quickened his pace. 

Eddie whimpered and kissed him back before reaching his hand in between them and coming the second he gripped himself. 

Eddie was still coming down from his high, body trembling, when Richie pulled out and came all over him.

“Fuck, sorry. I didn’t want to come in.” Richie gasped, still coming.

Eddie shook his head and pulled him down for another kiss. It was slower this time. 

Once they both came down and their breathing returned to normal, Eddie quietly lead them to the bathroom and used a washcloth to clean them both off diligently. Eddie was the one that was more of the mess between the two but he made sure to clean Richie off as well. He pressed a chaste kiss to Richie’s lips when they returned to the bed and tangled their limbs together. 

Richie blinked at him in the dark, eyes wondering and sad. 

“Don’t be sad.” Eddie told him quietly.

He wasn’t sure Richie heard him until he nodded once and kissed Eddie’s shoulder. 

“Okay, Eds.” He said easily.

The blinding sun woke Eddie up as it rose early the next morning. He squinted around the room to find Richie halfway out the front door.

“Richie?”

“Fuck, you scared me.” Richie turned around and smiled at him. It didn’t meet his eyes but Eddie knew to take what he could get. 

“That was fun, Eds, let’s do it again sometime maybe? I called Stan and he’s going to drop the others off and come and get me for some one on one ski lessons today. I’ll be up at the resort all day.” 

Eddie could read between the lines. He wasn’t invited.

“Are we okay, Rich? I fucked it all up again.” 

“Oh no, don’t worry about it Eds, we’re just peachy.” Richie smiled that fake smile again. “I just need some Stan the Man time.” 

“When are you going to the slopes?” 

“In a couple of hours. He’s doing some snowy hallmark morning moment with Patty first.”

Eddie pulled the blankets back and tried to keep his voice steady. “Come back to bed for a bit?” 

Richie stood rigid, staring at Eddie’s face with open pained want. 

He closed the door with a sigh and marched back over to the bed, shrugging his coat back off and not taking his eyes off of Eddie’s face the entire time. 

He curled in towards Eddie and didn’t object when Eddie pulled him even closer and tangled their legs together under the sheets. 

Eddie blinked back at him and traced patterns on Richie’s back as they held each other in the quiet of the morning.

He traced out his name and Richie’s, and a combination of the two. Mostly he traced out the word ‘sorry’ and hoped that it helped heal the hurt he caused in Richie, at the same time praying Richie couldn’t tell what he was writing. 

Richie hummed contently and kissed Eddie soft and slow. He gazed back behind his glasses at him before eventually nodding off back to sleep. 

He tucked his head in close to Eddie’s. 

Eddie tried not to focus on the lump in his throat or burn in his eyes and kept writing words gently into Richie’s back. 

Eddie blinked at the clock some time later and had to force himself to wake Richie up. His arms felt like lead as they gently shook Richie’s. 

“Hey, it’s been about an hour. Stan will probably be looking for you soon.” He said softly.

Richie’s eyes fluttered open and locked onto Eddie. 

Eddie was shaken by how much those eyes saw him, how well they always saw them. 

They were the same pair as they were at eight, thirteen, seventeen years old. 

Eddie started to slowly lean in for another kiss when those eyes closed off. Richie sat up so quickly it made  _ Eddie _ get a head rush. 

“Right. Wouldn’t want to be caught here.” Richie said stiffly and pulled his coat back on. 

“ _ Rich _ .”

Richie just shook his head and slapped a fake smile on his face. “It’s all goods Eds. I’ll see you later on.” 

He left at that and Eddie tried to tell himself he could get used to the new normal. Maybe he’d dealt some serious damage, probably to both of them, but if he got occasional Richie kisses it couldn’t be that bad, right? 

He busied himself organizing the cabin and taking a scalding shower that he still felt dirty from once he was done. 

When the rest of the Loser’s came back, he said goodbye to Stan and Richie like nothing was off and made himself not linger on the fact that Richie wouldn’t meet his eyes. 

He would go home and make everything abundantly clear with Myra. She’d be forced to stop wasting his time and just sign the damn thing. He’d move on with his life and hope Richie would understand. If they just fucked around, well that was more Richie than he got previously, so who was he to complain? 

He spent the day trying to ice skate with Audra, Mike, and Bill. For a while he managed to forget about his problems and just enjoy time spent with his chosen family. 

He headed up to the cabin with a promise to be back for the rescheduled dinner and movie and spent the next three hours emailing his lawyer. 

“Fuck.” He glanced at the time on his laptop and shut it. It was past time to go down to Stan and Patty’s cabin. 

“There he is!” Bill cheered excitedly when Eddie walked in. He hadn’t realized he was so hungry until the delicious smell of pizza wafted over to him. 

“We thought you fell asleep or something.” Bev laughed. “You alright, hon?”

“What? Oh no, yeah I’m good!” Eddie made his way to the food and only slightly tripped when he saw Richie laughing hard at something Ben had said. 

Stan was leaning back on the couch with Patty in his arms. His face was undeniably disapproving. Apparently the day spent with just him and Richie didn’t bode well for Eddie. 

“ _ Talk _ . Eddie.” He said quietly. “I said  _ talk _ .”

Eddie’s face burned and he could feel his hackles rise. He wasn’t going to get into it with Stan in front of everybody. He knew he was mad because Stan was right. 

He hurried into the kitchen where Ben and Richie were still laughing. 

“What’s uh, what’s so funny guys?”

Richie turned towards him and just blinked, face blank. Apparently a day on the slopes didn’t bode well for Eddie. He could see the anxiety and hurt clearly on Richie’s face. “We were discussing Christmas Movies. Ben here, has a skewed version of what one is the best. It was nothing. Hey- I’m going to go pester Mike. Maybe he’ll have a good movie suggestion.” He smiled warmly at Ben and slid past Eddie without giving him a second glance.

Eddie felt the rejection like a bowling ball in his gut weighing him down. He wanted to be back in his warm shower alone and moping. He turned to Ben and tried to have the illusion of normalcy.

Ben smiled obliviously and warmly at Eddie and proceeded to go on about how he didn’t know what movie Richie thought was the best holiday movie as he seemed to veto all of Ben’s.

“It’s Gremlins.” Eddie said, miserably. He phoned in the rest of the conversation with a carefully crafted neutral face and let himself slowly thaw. Things were bad, but they’d get better. Richie would be his friend again and Eddie would learn to live with that after hurting him so badly. That’s what you do for people you love. He glanced up from his third glass of spiked eggnog some time later and laughed softly to himself when he saw Gremlins playing on the television. They had scared Eddie as a child but he still saw it over ten times because Richie had loved them so much. They grew less scary, though just as disgusting, and just reminded Eddie of Richie after a while.

“I’m so glad you didn’t get that tattoo of Gizmo like you said you would.” Eddie laughed softly.

Richie glanced up at him, expression soft but still guarded. “Yet.” He declared. 

“How do you know he doesn’t have it?” Beverley teased. She said it jokingly to Richie and luckily missed Eddie flushing bright red.

He was saved from stammering a response by his phone ringing shrilly over by his coat. Mike held it up in question. It said it was a private number, like Eddie’s boss tended to call from.

“Tell them I’m on vacation and to fuck off.” Eddie laughed, feeling the eggnog. 

Mike laughed, equally drunk and answered the phone.

“Hi? Eddie is on vacation and he wants you to fu- oh. Mrs. Kaspbrak,” He glanced at Eddie. Eddie could see Richie shrink in on himself across the room. “Yeah, yeah he’s here. Hang on.” 

“Is she coming?” Ben asked politely.

Richie shot to his feet and stalked outside. 

Eddie didn't answer and just snatched the phone from Mike. 

“Myra! You aren’t supposed to call me!” Eddie hissed into the phone. 

Ben quickly made himself scarce and went outside after Richie. Eddie could see Patty and Stan share concerned expressions and Mike put on a carefully neutral face and staggered over to Audra and Bill, who cranked the TV up and turned back to it awkwardly.

Bev was watching him closely.

He sighed and stalked out the front door, away from all of the prying eyes and far away from Richie in the backyard.

Bev ducked out after him and placed a hand firmly on his shoulder. 

Eddie locked eyes with her but kept going. “You have people to talk to my people who will talk to me. That’s why divorces are so fucking expensive.” 

Bev arched an eyebrow.

“Eddie!” Myra screeched into the phone. “Eddie, I called your work and someone said you went on a trip to a cabin? In the mountains somewhere west? You could freeze, and what if you need a hospital, you would just have to hope you could be life flighted in time! I’ve gone on with this for long enough, you need to come home. Eddie, it’s almost Christmas. You wouldn’t leave your wife on Christmas would you?” She sounded exactly like Sonia Kaspbrak. He felt embarrassed knowing Beverly could hear her. He also felt unbelievably stronger having someone there.

“Myra I-!” He gripped the bridge of his nose and tried to steady his breathing. The guilt tripping had always torn at him whether it was his mother or Myra. She knew that and she used it whenever she could. 

“Are you wheezing? Did you bring your aspirator!?” 

“Myra, I’m trying to be civil. I don’t need my aspirator. I just need to be divorced from you. Stop calling me.”

“Your health! You need me. You’ll get sick without me.” 

“Good bye Myra! Don't call me again!” He shouted.

He hung up and threw his phone at the front door. He could see the screen splinter after it hit.

_ ‘Good’ _ . He thought. 

Bev pulled him into her arms. He eyed her warily, feeling annoyingly sober.

“I understand.” She started and took a big breath. Her green eyes stared at him hard. “I understand when you just want it to be done and over with and nobody has to know about it or talk about it but Eddie, let me help you. It’s not easy. How long have you been doing this alone?”

“Long enough. I guess shortly after Derry. I just had a lot to work through, and she’s- it’s just easier-”

“It isn’t. It fucking sucks and you should be able to call your friends up and talk about what a bitch she is. Even if she wasn’t one, but it  _ really _ sounds like she is.”

She hugged him tight. 

He stood there humiliated by the whole ordeal, arms limp at his side.

“Why didn’t you tell us, Honey?” She murmured softly in his ear. 

“Richie.” Eddie breathed out and felt completely exposed. “He deserves… better than to be caught up in the mess of all of it. I lo- I.” He felt his face crumpled. “I fucked it all up anyway, Bev.” 

“I’m sure that’s not tr-”

“It’s true.” Eddie cut her off.

“It’s not.” Richie’s voice called out.

He came around from the side of the house. “Eds, I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop but you were  _ pre-tty _ loud.” 

Eddie frowned over at him. “Richie-”

Richie held his hands up. “I don’t need you protecting me, Eds. I love you and I want to be there for you for any of it.”

Eddie shook his head through the shock. “You deserve more than to be someone’s dirty secret. I would be so proud to be with you, Rich. You’re smart and you’re funny and you’re fucking hot.” 

Richie choked out a laugh. 

"I look like a muppet, Eds."

Bev snorted softly and squeezed Eddie’s arm before she slipped back inside. 

Eddie turned back to Richie. “I hated those stories. I hate you not being appreciated. I want to be with you, Richie, but really be with you. I don’t - don’t want you to be the ‘other woman’ okay? If you’ll have me, you’re it for me. That's it.” 

Richie’s face screwed up in pain. “I don’t want you to make rash decisions because of something I said to you while you were high on pain meds in a hospital bed.” Richie sighed. 

“It isn’t rash. It’s me realizing I don’t have to phone in every fucking moment of my life anymore. I realized that I’ve always been resentful for the kind of people I attract. The people that have loved me my entire life have done it just for what they could get out of it.” Eddie took a big shaky breath. “I figured it had to be because of the way that I am. Uptight, stern. When you told me that you loved me I didn’t have to ask how or for how long, Rich. It was like I opened my eyes for the first time. This entire time, whether I remembered it or not, I had people that loved me. I had somebody that  _ truly _ loved me and who I know would be there. I wanted to ask Myra right away but I had to go back and sort shit out. It has been a mess, obviously. She thinks I’m on drugs. I had to show her two clean tests before she'd just  _ talk _ to me.” He laughed but there was no humor in it. 

Richie’s lips were pulled down into a grimace and didn’t even twitch. 

“Richie, I am so fucking enamored by you. I didn’t want you mixed up in any of the divorce shit. Not because it’ll complicate things, I could care less on what I get out of the split. I’m getting me. I just… you deserve all of me. I want to give that to you fully.”

Richie’s eyes were wet but he still leaned over and winked dramatically.

Eddie laughed, it came out wet as well but nodded his head. “Yeah dude, in every fucking way you can have me. If you want me.” 

Richie scoffed. “Eddie, remember I  _ love _ you. Don't make yourself go through this shit alone. I’ll take whatever I can get of you.”

Eddie felt choked by the amount of relief and love he felt. He moved closer and looped his arms around the back of Richie’s neck. He kissed his lips chastly. “Well, it’s all yours, sweetheart.”

Richie shoved his face into Eddie’s neck at that. His back heaved with heavy sobs and Eddie patted his head further into his increasingly wet neck. “I’ve got you.” Eddie said softly. 

Richie wrapped his arms around his middle and squeezed tight. 

Eddie pulled back and stared up at him. “I hurt you. I’m sorry. I knew better, I was trying to wait until everything was all said and done but I realize now that that’s-” 

“A little fucked up?” 

Eddie blanched. “I am such an idiot, Rich.”   
“You are.” Richie agreed but didn’t let go of him. “I want to be there for the shitty parts too, Eds. We don’t need a clean slate. I’ve loved you since I realized what love was. I hate that you were going through this alone.”

Eddie hummed and put his forehead to Richie’s chest. 

“I wanted to say it back in Derry. I’ve been wanting to say it every day since but I didn’t want to stop saying it once I did. I guess I got pretty anal about it.” 

“Ha! I g-”

“Shut it!” 

Richie’s chest vibrated with laughter. 

“Would it be crazy if I told you how close a branch of my office I could transfer to is from your house?”

Richie threw his head back and laughed delighted. 

“Absolutely fucking deranged. Move in this week.” 

Eddie surged up and kissed him soundly. 

A loud knock made them look up.

All of their friends were in the window knocking on the glass and waving excitedly. Beverly and Patty catcalled while Ben, Audra, and Bill cheered and clapped excitedly over their heads. Mike was crying and Stan was staring at Eddie with the same ‘I told you so’ look he had earlier.

Richie flipped Stan off.

He dramatically dipped Eddie low and kissed him soundly, their teeth knocking together while they laughed into each other's mouths while their friends went wild.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think!  
> If you want hit me up on tumblr :)


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